Ires, Bergs Of Ice And Crying Sunday Morning

Are you ambuguous; are you kind. clentching the fists of the entire human kind, behind the shadow casting bottled Wines. I'm a foxhole for you to jump in as if it were a four wheel jeep And I only here her whisper with the voice you speak as we all take a leak downstairs from the diamond shine. Are you ambiguous;are you kind. I was being, along with millions of other peoples, hunted through the dry weed labyrinths by my own furtive footsteps. I could here automobile tires screeching everywhere, digging so deep into the gutbucket groove..and I thought to myself, steada wasting all these accusations on me, theres a man in a cute-suit a world away, who we should all be up in arms about, and, as I rose highly caffeinated from my lotus configuration of mealy mouthed evening stars, I just could've adjust the radio dial of the rage inside me to a frequency anyone would listen to. Was there no one but me to blame. Should I pull a meat cleaver from the bottom draw and run myself through with a trillion triple-lipped kisses. Open the door and let some air in. My own lies all took human form. Every single one of them, drawing them selves up from the nixty year told bachelor analytical Philosophy clay. The ladies could hear something buzzing down there, and so could a few guys at the grocery counter. I don't even wanna talk about that situation, because that would bring up the stench of threatening death just two or three steps behind. They tell me, wherever I go, that the King of circles, squares and(possibly)triangles has six wives and a few of their heads're always rolling up and down the stairs. I live with the bacons of Heaven, hell, and wholia dodges drilling teeth downstairs from Zeno the zipper flipper in his cute-suit, seeming to think to myself that it's him we should be angry at. I dig deep into my gut, realizing that part of the reason for my suicidal tenendances is my inability to realize my anger into a constructive medium. I'm afraid I'll piss people off, but I seem to be pissing some(or many) of them off no matter what I say or do. I would like to do a few're three things before I collapse in a heap of meat and potatoe putting on a crazy show(but is the show real?). I would like to sit on a couch and kiss a pair of lips belong nine tenths to a woman and one tenth to a man(after building myself a homophobic time machine, or perhaps psychologically fucked up green stamp coupons I can take back through time with me. Once I told a psychiatric nurse that I could tell when teenagers were good looking, although I certainly never fantasize about them; I also said I sometimes had what might be called human-like sadomasachistic fantasy which lessen and lessen with the passage of time, until now all the sadistic one have vanished. Bzzzzz. I never could tell, though, exactly what I was doing wrong, or being DISHONEST about. I only once in my life had a violent "thought". It lasted for about 3 minutes and was the result(I think)of smoking something a very unscrupulous six wived cute suiter snuck something into they might(?) use sometimes at funeral parlours. I was sixteen at the time, I believe. Just about all of the thoughts I would like to put into actualized action are governed by benovolence and kindness. Honest! If anyone wants to ask me a direct question, they're welcome to do it, but anytime someone calls on the phone, they hardly talk, unless they're made of computer chips. It seems to me to be a blatent act of cruelty to accuse someone, over and over of dishonesty. I haven't familiarized myself with a pencil since I was,perhaps,25 years old. Well. I have fantasizes about many various and varied people, usually of the same sex, although I'm between 12 and 22 years old in the fantasizes. A direct result of severe psychological trama. I am Steven Dedalius and Harold Bloom. My own Father. Should I split in two and take myself upstairs. Should I blame others for something within me I don't have the courage to acknowledge. On a Universally Human basis, blowing myself up, in the process, in a nuclear holocaust, and/or creating unspeakable mass acts of genocide all over the globe. Homosexuality, incest, rape, pedaphiliar, homocidal tendencies, negrofilia tendencies suppressed, denied and manifesting anyway on a self righteous scale. And whats the root cause. Money. We had a great chance to better ourselves tremendously in 1945, 1950, 1966 and 1969; I think 1969 is when all that is great without us was regirgitated for fast food corporate greed, and hell followed in it's footsteps. Now you can't even develop and flesh out human character studies with getting your budget cut drastically. Editing is a brilliant technique that could save us from ourselves by widening, abreviating and widening cinematic representation at just the right moment. My biggest problem(I know this to be true about myself)is my inability to get productively angry and stand up for myself. This perhaps is 3/4ths of the reason why I manifest always heterosexual suicidal tendencies. If you have violent fantisies at a younger age, and your human, your going to feel very guilty about it. At least I think that that is the other side of the same "I am woman" coin, which is impossible to acheive minus the invention of a time machine. So why bastardize my artistic integrity. IT IS NOT FARE. IT IS NOT RIGHT. Look in the mirror when you need to judge another. "To kill anyone is a terrible thing(crime?)." Elvis Costello. In a very serious way though, that statement can be said to be an oversimplification, if it disrespects Soldiers and Police. But they are not killing. They are protecting. Most of them. To create, on a societal level, a situation where defending yourself personally or societally is something I can blame myself for(just as well as anyone else) taking an honest look at my own greedy personality, which is the Father and Son of the altruistic part of myself, although NOT in an honest way. I damn well know what I'm doing wrong, and I do it anyway! This was explained in the early episodes of "Lost" where the element of "time" is essential to doing something great and Noble for someone else; saving yourself in the process(realizing the Archtypally profound importance of the Human fact that everything happens in "threes". Paul A. Bedard.