Splinter doesn't exactly remember when it happened.

One day, suddenly, he realized that it had been a long time since he had been able to have a conversation with his sons.

He sighed, pulling himself out of bed to make breakfast. He didn't like them skipping meals, and they rarely turned down his cooking. Maybe he should cut up fruit for them. Just to show he cares.

Leonardo was the first into the kitchen, probably because he smelled food. He wasn't playing attention, though, he was staring at that damn phone of his.

"Blue, what did I say about phones at the table?" He grumbled, and the boy rolled his eyes.

"C'mon, Pops, I saved the world! Can't you just ignore it this time? Pleeease?" He begged, doing his best attempt at puppydog eyes.

"And what's so wrong with having a conversation, 'this time', hm?" He shot back, setting the plate down in front of him.

Splinter was interrupted by his other sons entering the kitchen for food.

"Look! It's your other kids! Ask them to put their phones away instead!" Leo said as his brothers took their plates and started to head back to their rooms.

"Wait a minute, hold it. Why can't you just eat here?" Splinter asked, gesturing toward the empty table.

His sons looked at him, and then at each other.

"Well..."

"I mean..."

"We saved the world, we can do what we want now..."

"Yeah..."

Splinter grunted. "That excuse is never gonna get old, is it." He sighed, beginning to walk toward the couch.

"It's okay, dad, I'll eat with you!" Mikey smiled, and Raph sighed.

"Alright, I guess if it means so much to you then I'll eat here too." He conceded.

"Nooo, social convention rules dictating my behaviourrr..." Donnie whined, walking back toward the table.

Something in Splinter's heart twisted seeing their faces, seeing how they had to be guilted into spending time with him.

"Ah, no, it's okay. Really. I was just trying to bug you. Go enjoy your meal, boys, you've earned it after saving the world. I—" He cut himself off, worried about a genuine expression of affection. "I left some fruit on the counter for you. I know you like strawberries, so I got extra."

His sons cheered at the extra snacks, and Splinter went back to his chair. He tried to distract himself by watching his old movies, but there was a restlessness that he just couldn't shake. It wasn't like his regular boredom, or even just reminiscing the old days. It felt different. Aching.

Ever since the Krang invasion, he had felt like something was wrong. His sons were home, safe, and accounted for, but still. Blue was behaving more like a leader, which was good. And Red seemed like he was accepting the new position more and more every day. Purple had started spending more time around others outside his lab, which everyone appreciated. Orange had offered to let Splinter talk to 'Dr. Feelings' about it, but he felt that this was too much to put on his own son.

Instead, he decided he should dig through old boxes. 

He found old clothes the boys had outgrew, birthday and fathers day cards from years past, old toys too.

Then he found the shoes.

Old pointe shoes, ones he had gotten for Mikey's 12th birthday. He wanted to learn ballet, but was sad to learn that most people started much younger. Splinter told him that shouldn't stop him, and to get him started he got him these.

———

Red had been acting out recently, being 14 years old. With the twins in their moody preteen years he was struggling to connect with them. His youngest was about to turn 12, but he was always so close to his brothers, and often followed their lead when they acted up.

Splinter was just glad they were still getting along. He knew that half the time Blue and Purple were at each other's throats.

He had bought custom ballet slippers for Orange for his birthday. It was in a few days and he was brimming with excitement already, barely able to contain it. He had almost spoiled the surprise twice, but he was just so eager to see the look on his sons face.

They were a bit of a hassle of course, because most shoes aren't designed for preteen turtles with three toes. And dance shoes are especially difficult to buy. But when Purple started dancing, his little brother wanted to join in so badly. So he watched hundreds of videos on it, often dragging Donnie and Splinter along to watch together. Donnie was much more interested in doing it than watching it, so it became Splinter's thing with Mikey.

When he finally opened the gift, he screamed with happiness. He gripped the fabric of Splinters robe so tightly and didn't stop repeating "I love you I love you I love you thank you so much" over and over until a laughing Splinter pried him off.

"I'm glad you like it," he said earnestly. "It wasn't cheap, you know, and it was hard to find someone who could make it to specifics like this." Splinter boasted, pulling his son in for another hug.

"Do you like it?" He asked as Mikey eagerly tried them on, "remember, you have to break them in first." 

Mikey looked up at him and nodded furiously. He was too excited for words. Splinter knows that he knew this, he had been infodumping for weeks about the different methods ballerinas used to break in shoes.

In the next few weeks, Mikey practised every single day. Splinter even convinced Donnie to install a barre for him, which Mikey was ecstatic about. Splinter watched every rehearsal, and even learned ballet so he could accurately critique

The boys had been planning a mini field trip for a while, where they were going up to the surface to play with April. She wanted to spend the whole afternoon with them, and while Splinter trusted her to take care of her boys, he was still fussing over it.

"Pops, it's *fine*," Raph grumbled, taking his hat and coat. "We're not little kids anymore."

Splinter gave him a tight-lipped smile, nodding. "I know, I know. But you're still *my* kids. So I have to worry about you. Keep your brothers safe, okay?"

Raph sighed, "alright, dad. Bye," he said, climbing the ladder up to the surface.

"Bye," he said softly after them.

The boys were going out with April, who he trusted. This wasn't their first time alone on the surface, but a few hours rolled around without even a text. He checked their location, with the phone Donnie gave each of them having connected GPS signals so they would always find each other, and knew they were safe.

Splinter sighed, and for the first time in years he noticed just how quiet the sewers were. *The lair,* his sons called it.

*"We're not little kids anymore."* The phrase echoed in his head. Of course, he knew this. 

'They're not my babies anymore. They don't need me as much,' he thought. The thought stung, but he closed his eyes and shook his head, wandering back to the 'That's okay. They need to become their own people, I don't want to stop them. This is part of growing up.'

He gave one last look at the sewer grate above him. *But I miss them.*

There are few moments more painful in his life than when this realization inexplicably all comes crashing down on him, like thin glass plates onto a stone floor. The sudden understanding that his sons are fine without him. They're growing up. They don't come to him for the small things anymore, like when they're scared or sad or bored.

They do their own things, they deal with their own problems. And God, he's so proud of them. He is so happy with them for growing up strong and healthy, because he loves them more than anything. But they're gone for hours at a time, with friends that they spend more and more time with, and he only has his infomercials to fill the silence.

They had come back an hour before curfew, and he had excitedly asked them everything they had done.

He heard a knock on his door that night before he went to bed.

"Come in?" He said, and Red poked his head through the door.

"Hiya, Dad." He said quietly. Splinter raised an eyebrow.

"Hiya, Red." He echoed, grinning. "Why are you in here?"

Raph shrugged, staring at the ground.

[Raph apologizes for being rude and hugs splinter. he might be going through his teen angst years but he is still a softie]

———

He takes Raph to build a bear for his 6th birthday, first trip to the surface as like a rite of passage

———

Donnie gets his first set of tools from his dad, who stays up Way too late trying to teach himself stuff so Donnie could talk to him about all of it. he is 8 in this

———

Idk man he has to have a moment with leo but i have NO CLUE what to do with it

———

Detail how he acted with them when they were babies. He used to carry them around constantly, holding them close and would sleep with them in a little pile close to his chest with his tail curled protectively around them. He was such a tired little man who loved his weird green sons.

———

[Splinter kind of has a bit of a loneliness breakdown because he feels that he needs to be more for his sons and he isn't that]

What did he do in his sons hour of need? In the world's hour of need?

*What could you have done? You did your best to protect who you could, he reminded himself.*

"But I could have done more," he mumbled out loud, to nobody but himself. "If I had taught them when they were younger, had I been a better teacher—"

*And risk them turning out like* ***you?*** The thought echoed through his head like a bullet in a tunnel. He felt hollow.

No wonder they never spend time with him anymore. He was a weak teacher who couldn't even save his own son from being Krang-ified.

Donatello had told him once, when they were shopping for spare parts, that his tech was better than most companies because it didn't have planned obsolescence.

"Do you know what that means, dad? It's when companies build stuff with the intention of it breaking. They do this with phones and stuff to keep people buying the newest tech." He explained as they looked around the hardware store.

"And your stuff is better than that?" Splinter asked, and his son beamed at him.

"Yeah! Mine will never break!" Donnie proudly declared.

Splinter smiled at the memory. Maybe his son had a point with all that 'planned obsolescence' talk. Maybe some things weren't built to last.

Maybe he had outlived his usefulness, too. 

———

Include some mushy stuff — specifically that after the Krang invasion leo comes to sleep in his room for the first time in years, followed by raph (who rushes in because he's panicking that leo is gone) (he developed the habit of checking on his brothers at night bc he's worried) so splinter invites him to sleep there too.

———